part two | still in development
recently i had put the search for a partner on hold. i didnt really have a choice due to my constant traveling.
suddenly i gained the control i didnt know i lacked- men were my knowing and unkowing movement in this world.
maintainig a steady love hate relationship with men
being exposed to these compleities at the age of 4 when my 18 year old friend got curuos.
the part that i remeber most vividly was from spending time with he completly ignored me. heart broken at the age of 4
i was also confused by my feelings knowing it was wrong but wanting him to love me.
In this proces i find myself questiong the the unquestionable persuit for love and the later persuit of maintainig it.
a few weeks ago while looking at family photos, I noticed a visible physical and behavioral change in women before and after marriage.
Making the one remaing, life-loving beam of the family shine even brighter.
widowed at 48, my grandmother was the only happy human in the family, with the downgrade in status and a and a label considerd the ultimate symbol of misery and bad luck, contiously praised for the strength while pittied for her bad luck.
the lose of a husband is viewed by society as one of the worst tragedys.
a tragedy so unbareable it ends the partners life by defult.
my grandfathers reputation as a war hero did not make him a pleasant person to live with. In the days following his death, his behavior was described as post-traumatic stress disorder.
i use this as an axample of societiys convluted peception to what should make us happy or sad.
a mere existance of an assumption generated and preserved by the notion we all have the same needs, wishes and feelings is absurd. .
crazy no one ever considered the possibility she was better off?
probaly 90 % of her life following his death would not have existed if his presence reamained.
surly spending the rest of her life alongside an angry man watching TV is way better..
i understand that my grandparents and even parents teamed up partialy as a surviving method. baring in mind optionssuch as dogsitting across europe
were not yet in existance.
with every generation w e change more. society has changed and contiously cahnging. how come we find it so dificultto part from this contract (without even talking about the leagel aspecrt of this romantic unuion
which has even getting into the legal obligation for tyng the knot). why does the existance of a legaly binding partnership (or lack of) has so much power over our life and decions?
selling stand alone ideas only in package deals.
intertwining family, love a home with marriage is one of the reasons this intituon needs to take a time out.
fearing lonliness should not be the reason to partner up.
lonlines is depicted as some sort of black hole we need to contanly worry about.
as
mariage has
a union which exists as a solution for a made up problem
a union based on the idea its just really scary alone. turning lonlines into the worst thing
creating this irational fear from being alone . people t
the old marriage union strives on our inabilty of going throgh life alone- god forbid we become completly and utterly indepdat.
the idea of waiting for someone to complete us- waiting for that someone so we can begin 'living' is not only sad but actualy dangerous.
I'm in no way against the formation of a union, quite the contrary.- i believe it can be something so much better than we know
coming to terms that our goals and the person we had in mind as the perfect partner and father will be difrent. .
i truely believe that the idea of a wedding should change drasticly- its curent format does not have a place in the future. onlyusing
i am not sugesting taking part in a throuple or open relationships.
i do think it can be part of the solution to some people.
i believe that the reinvented idea of a union should hold the basic understanding that all marriages are different.a partnership created by true atraction, intrest and comunication will not depend on the of the tightness of your shakels.
life changing without fear of not keeping your vows.should not be intemidated of breaking any contract.
the thoght of taking almost everyone in the world and conforming them to what was maybe relevant so many years ago is insane. and honestly i cant believe its still going strong.
fitting into a skewd mold of what we i do not conside open relationships and polyamorous
a few years ago i decied it was time for thrapy. i had just broken up with a kenesque looking pilot.- suprisingly it was my the total apathy i found alarming. him being a near satirical version of the dream guy it was so noticable that i could have easily stayed there forever. it wasnt even a question, that was not someone you willingly breakup with.
my whole life i felt that if someone wants me around i stay and thank my lucky stars.
i think subconciously i alwys felt as though my mother was fulfiling the same role. my dad saved her from her uneducated morrocan family for a life filedl with light skined jews with a god comlex.
my parents got married about two months after they first met due to my mother getting pregnant.
the story of how they met includes how unbelievably thin she was while having huge breasts. romantic, i know.
with total disregaurd for nonphysical characteristics i created a direct link between being loved and thin.
every realtionship i had gained weight i imediatly felt i need to just be thankfull someone is stil around. Inevitably this notion would summen acordingly.
we are born complete human beings, granting other people the power in saying what makes us comlete is what empties us
consider
could it be a surviving method? teaming up if anything goes wrond or comlicated.
Painting, designing, and teaching art are my ultimate pursuits.
only one person
need as natural phase of this process of this jorney i have The purpose of this piece is to demolish the concept of marriage as we know it, tearing it apart and burning it to a crisp, to reassemble it completely new, free of manipulation.
Without the obligations derived from gender, status (deconstructing the idea of marriage